When Fear and Joy are One

That Inexplicable Feeling That Shakes You to Your Core! 

In 1748, a fearsome storm threatened to shake apart the ship of John Newton, an English sailor, poet and slave trader. Thinking he would soon die, John Newton started to pray, and in the midst of this storm, he had a spiritual conversion. Eventually, his entire life was transformed, and he stopped his involvement in the slave trade and became a strong supporter of the abolitionist movement.

It was John Newton who wrote the well-known hymn Amazing Grace, which describes his spiritual epiphany.

Being within the presence of Grace, he tells us, has a "sweet sound"; it simultaneously teaches our hearts to fear and relieves all our fears.

Hearing these words, I have to wonder, Why does John Newton describe Grace in such a paradoxical way? How can Grace teach us to fear, and still be reassuring and even invoke joy?

Photo by Mark Maxwell. Creative Commons License 2.0

There are stories from many religions that describe this mixture of joy and fear and comfort that happens when someone is in the presence of Spirit. 

One that easily comes to mind is the story of  Jesus's disciples who become terrified during a storm at sea and are reassured by Jesus that they have nothing to fear.

In Mark’s version of the story Jesus is asleep in the boat and the disciples are filled with fear at the ferocity of an approaching storm.  They awaken Jesus, telling him of their fears, and after Jesus calms the storm, he turns to his disciples and asks them, “What are you afraid of?”   (Mark 4: 35-41)  Here, Jesus shows the disciples that he is not afraid of the storm,  that there is no reason to fear, and that he has the power to calm it. Jesus is able to allay all their fears. 

In John’s version of the story, the disciples have gone out in a boat leaving Jesus behind on the shore.  In the midst of a fearsome storm, the disciples see Jesus approaching, walking on the water, and they are terrified.  To calm them, Jesus says, “It is I; Don’t be afraid.”   (John 6: 35-41)  Here, Jesus and the storm, together, are the source of the disciples fear.  The sight of him approaching amidst the storm is  terrifying. Again, Jesus is able to calm the storm and reassure them. 

The above versions of the story tell us that, on this occasion, Jesus's presence, like the presence of Grace experienced by John Newton, made his disciples fearful and yet also calmed their fears.

From these stories, we can understand that in the presence of spirit, fear and joy are one.

I believe that at some point in our lives we will all experience this, perhaps more than once, but whether or not it leads to a spiritual epiphany depends upon our response.

Photo by Fr Lawrence Lew, O.P. Creative Commons License 2.0 

Spirit is always present, but there are times when we are open to experiencing the presence of Spirit in a way that has the potential to dramatically move us along our spiritual path.

Often these "openings" are sparked by a traumatic event in our lives, like a life-threatening experience (such as a terrifying storm at sea), or the onset of an illness, the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a career.

When events like these occur, our sense of self can get shaken. It is as if the external death or loss sparks an internal "death" as well. Depending upon the loss we're facing, we might not be able to continue to identify ourselves as, say, a "daughter or son," "wife or husband," or "worker," or at least we might not be able to identify ourselves in these ways as we had before the traumatic event.

Suddenly, a crack appears in the armour of our identity.  Everything we knew about who we are, about who others are in relation to us, and about what we had expected to happen in our future becomes unstable. The permanency of our own sense of self is exposed as an illusion.

Photo by Summer Skyes 11. Creative Commons  License 2.0

What shines through the cracks in our armour is Spirit. 

In Buddhism, nirvana (the state of no self, or what I refer to as spirit) is our true state. It is always already within us, but it is obscured by samsara (the cycle of rebirth), which is experienced by those whose states of mind are affected by the "three poisons"—ignorance, grasping and aversion. Identity is an effect of samsara.

We create narratives about who we are and who others are in relation to us as a way of maintaining our sense of individuality, and this process of constructing our identity maintains our ignorance about the source from which we have all emerged.

In other words, our identity is like a suit of armour that we wear, and we think that it protects us. It seems to give us a sense of being in control, though this is an illusion.  And instead of protecting us, our identity armour in fact obscures our true state, which is the state of oneness within spirit. 

 (For a more detailed explanation see First the Self and then the 'Three Poisons'.)

When we are in the throes of those moments in our lives that destabilize our sense of self, the armour of identity we wear is weakened and we become more open to sensing the presence of spirit. Because this feels as if we are losing control, we are fearful.

We must try and remember, just as Jesus tells us, "It is I: Don't be afraid."

Recognizing that being in the presence of spirit can create such paradoxical feelings will hopefully enable us to set aside our fears and let go of control. We can become conduits for the spirit that is trying to shine through, and in this way, discover that spirit removes all of our fears. We will then feel only joy. 

For more, please see my other blog postings by clicking on "older posts" or "newer posts" below, or by visiting my other blog here The Six Realms of Samsara. My books are available through My Author's Spotlight  Thank you!