On Having Compassion & Helping

What Does Acting Through Compassion Look Like?

When I was a little girl, I loved animals ... as most kids do. 

I didn't have any pets of my own (I had five older brothers and my mother said that was enough). Instead, I loved all the pets in my neighbourhood, especially the cats, and I would cuddle any I could catch. I remember that the girl next door had a dog, and I was thrilled when my best friend's hamster had babies. 

Of course, I loved little kittens best of all. Holding kittens was akin to heaven for me, even while they wriggled and mewed to be set free.

© 2015 Lindsey Ann Arnold. All rights reserved.

I also remember that I became quite distressed whenever I came across the bodies of little creatures who had died, like birds or squirrels. My dad told me they were "sleeping," but I knew better, and a few times I ceremoniously laid them to rest under the forsythia bush in our backyard. 

Thinking back on my burial arrangements, I realize I had made some crucial errors. Not wanting the poor, dead creatures to suffer the elements of weather, I lovingly wrapped them in polyester batten and gently placed them in a plastic bag before covering them with freshly dug dirt.

In other words, even though I had a compassionate heart and nothing but good intentions, my actions interfered with what would have been the natural unfolding of the cycle of life. I wanted to help, but in the end I made things a tiny bit worse.

Of course, given that I was a child doing childish things, the "errors" I made were minor. 

As an adult,when I see all the suffering in the world, I am still moved to want to help. But I have to stop and asked myself ... How can I best make a difference? How can I help eliminate suffering? How do I know that what I am doing is the right thing?

A few years ago, while I was volunteering in a beautiful, peaceful and developing Himalayan country, these questions arose for me in very concrete ways. There were many occasions when I became painfully aware of my presence as an "outsider" trying to "help" others who lived within an economic and cultural context that was very different from the one I had always known.

© 2015 Lindsey Ann Arnold. All rights reserved.

I quickly learned that I could not assume my interpretation of any given situation was always correct, nor could I assume my ordinary response was the right response within my new setting. 

 I encountered, for example, children who were happy, healthy and well-cared for, but who were not attending school. Some of these children were working as domestic help.

The country I was in was making significant moves toward improving the quality of life for its people. It had a relatively new public school system and parents were being encouraged to have their young children educated. But it was not required. There were laws regarding child labour, and there were government and police divisions responsible for the welfare of children.

As an educator, coming from a place of economic privilege, my first inclination was to do something to intervene on the behalf of these children. I contemplated using the limited resources available to "rescue" them from illiteracy, which I assumed would limit their future success and happiness.

Fortunately, I had by that time begun to recognize that what might be the right thing to do back home was not necessarily the right thing to do in this very different context. I did not act on my initial compulsion, but instead looked once again at the situation as it truly was.

Every morning, while walking into town, I was greeted by a smiling girl of about seven-years-old who helped do light chores for a nearby household. I often heard her singing in the garden and laughing with the children she was minding. She didn't go to school, but she was clearly being well cared for, lived in a comfortable home, and enjoyed playing with her young charges.

I had to consider the fact that the children I'd observed were not "at risk," and the limited resources that were available to children would be needed for those who were in dire circumstances. I had to recognize that, without a more systemic infrastructure for children's aid, any action I took might actually create an even more impoverished circumstance for those I was trying to "help."

Based on these reflections, I chose not to act.

This does not mean that there aren't situation where something has to be done and action has to be taken. It is a matter of knowing when to act and when not to. 

The spiritual leader of Shia Ismaili Muslims, His Highness the Aga Khan, offers us guidance in these matters. And it is to him that I have turn to for answers to my questions.

The Aga Khan encourages us all to give. He reminds us that giving takes many forms, not just funds but the sharing of time, ideas and professional skills. Volunteers, he says, play a critical role in development around the world.

His Highness the Aga Khan. Photo© 2015 Aga Khan Museum

The Aga Khan teaches us that pluralism is the key to establishing peaceful relations and is "integral to the very definition of genuine quality of life." 

When helping others, it is important to refrain from falling into the trap of believing that our way is the best way. We need to resist the desire to control by setting the standard to which all others must conform.

He teaches us to have patience, and to allow for the eventual unfolding of events that mark change, and to listen. Some things, like the establishment of good governance (which may or may not come in the form of democracy), equality (between the sexes and among groups), and peaceful relations take time.

Change cannot be forced upon another person or society, and actions that attempt to force change are far from helpful. They only serve to increase the suffering.

It is through the combined effort of equals—who meet across difference—that enables true, lasting change.  Cooperation among equals can establish an environment that maintains dignity, encourages and mobilizes creativity, and fosters independence and hope.

The words of His Highness the Aga Khan can be a guiding light for all those who wish to help others in a way that is truly helpful. 

His teachings on volunteerism and more can be found in summary in this selection of quotes from the Aga Khan's speaches.

For more stories about my experience living abroad, please see my book The Land of Happiness: Reflections on a Journey available at my Author's Spotlight

Thank you.